Post from Corey

Corey wrote this when I was giving everyone a scare post surgery. I’m doing good now though and everyone is happy with my progress. Most of my tubes are out and I’ve been for two little walks 😊

You know I never write, I never have, but I feel this is the closet thing I can do to be with you at this moment in time. I had said my last words ‘See you later,’ 10:20am Tuesday morning in high spirits knowing this was going to be smooth.

I ended up going back to Tilahs stopping at McDonald’s on the way. Singing my fair share of Carpool Karaoke to Kendrick Lamar with a hash brown mashing around in my mouth I arrived back at tilahs where I played some Minecraft with Moresby, dying from every and all Mobs you can think of. Then 3pm hit with no word, so I Decided to go back to the Hospital to avoid Auckland’s horrible traffic.

Arriving back to the North Shore hospital, I confident that we will exchange a new conversation, your mum catches me just outside of the elevator on floor one (I took the stairs I promise) when she hit me wth these few words ‘There has been a Complication.’ This sentence brought back the feelings we both endured during the visit with Kim you GP when we first found out about your tumours in your liver from your ultrasound. Angry, confused, sad, happy, any feeling you can imagine I was experiencing right then and there but this time I was alone. Yes your parents were there, but how am I suppose to act while there crumbling from the news, I had to play the strong role again, keeping it all together when I just wanted to breakdown.

30 minutes pass when Dr. Universe came in, with the request from your Dad, to bring me up to speed and in the loop. They thought (Now this is what I gather from what he said) that because they found a hole in your heart, and that an air bubble may have travelled up and into your brain and caused a stroke, and because of this they sent you down to get a CT Scan to the brain to see if any clots have formed in your brain. Now at this point, knowing how I react to news like this, all I could think of was ‘She’s going to lose function in her limbs,’ ‘She might never be the same,’ ‘What if she dies from this.’ Nothing can describe the feelings running through me while listening to this, what went from a ‘Easy, smooth operation’ to ‘Mikaela’s in ICU and is unstable’ this was not how we expected this week to happen, I can say in full confidence that I didn’t even plan for this, we were told and reassured for months leading up to this point so I had no reason to prepare for this outcome.

Another hour passes by when we finally get the news ‘CT Scan came back clear.’ Relief fills my body as the words hit my ears, then the Dr. said after they get you settled into ICU we can come through and see you. Time after this point became slower then usual, trying to bypass time, I started messaging everyone I thought needed to know, honestly I think I use that excuse for me to have a reason to talk to someone. The more i extended out for help, the more responses I got and the better I felt. My brother Nick said he’ll come up, which I didn’t want to say but was exactly what I needed, with Lauren and Julian. After another hour passes we got word that you were still unstable but we can come through and see you, not gonna lie I dreaded this walk, it may have only been 15 meters but the walk to see you was long and harrowing. Walking through the big sliding door into ICU you see a big counter sitting in the middle of the room, with doctors on computers doing everything in there power to help you (Turns out they weren’t there for you lol sorry) and a bunch of nurses in front of you just looking. As we peer around the curtain your mum was first in the race followed by your Dad then me. Watching your mums face drop as see came around the corner first then your dads, and then me…It’ll be a smooth operation… There you were hooked up to every machine around you, tubes of fluids running in and out of you from every angle imaginable, a tube running into your mouth to assist you in breathing, skins cold to the touch and more pale than usual. Not going to sugar coat this, I didn’t want to see or touch you at first, not because I was disgusted, but I didn’t want to hurt you in anymore then you were. The Nurses got all of us seats for us to sit around our fading campfire and try our best to ignite your strength, thats when Your Mum and Dad both let go of all there emotions and tears, yet there’s me holding your cold hands Angry, not at you or the Doctors & Nurses but the situation, while what I can only imagine your parent where saying in there prays for you with there head on your bed and tears in there eyes, I’m sitting there staring at every machine around you, trying to make sense of everything, Angry at this so called ‘Smooth Operation’ where now instead of talking to you I’m sitting, holding a cold hand needing to talk to you and tell you everything, for you to calm me down for once.

Dr. Universe came into ICU and suggested you go back into theatre so they can check if there is any internal bleeding. How can all this be happening from one surgery? Never did I imagine you in this state, I said to your parents ‘I’m all for her going back in,’ not wanting the full decision of what to do next to fall on me or you parents. As we say our goodbyes I kiss your forehead when I said ‘Hmmm you hair smells nice’ which put a smile on everyone’s face, then one by one you parents kiss you and they breakdown with emotion, I haven’t seen them like this since Murray passed away. We leave ICU when the Doctor came in just to reassure where we are and what’s going to happen in surgery. He was wrapping up his script when he said is there any questions, so I asked ‘Is there a chance she can die,’ you know how I prefer to know the worst case scenario, he said ‘There is a chance she may, yes.’

*Message Received*

‘We’re at the elevator now’

That came from Nick, I left from the waiting room to see little Julian run out of the elevator with Lauren in tow and Nick holding a Sal’s pizza. I gave him a handshake and a hug, and broke down, finally all the emotion I had built up, I was able to have my brother pick me up and hold me telling me it’s going to be alright, I can honestly say that hug meant more then anything I could have asked for apart from just talking to you. We hugged for 10 minutes easily then I got to kiss little Julian who tried his best to avoid my wet kisses. We walked back into the waiting room where Nick, Julian and Lauren said hello to your mum and dad, then not far after that your Whanau showed up.

Another couple of hours pass and we had turned the waiting room into a Marae, when the two surgeons Dr. Universe and Prof. Koea came in and gave us the debrief. You came back fine with no signs of internal bleeding, then we were told that we can visit you in another hour once they settle you into ICU. After the good news I walked Nick, Lauren and Julian out to there car, said our final goodbyes and I head back to Tilahs for a shower to freshen up and inform all the parties that needed informing of the good news!

Returning to the hospital, I walked back through the main entrance to level 1 and into the waiting room with the rest of the Whanau, when we got word that we can come through and see you, all eight of us. Again that walk to your bed behind the curtain was a long walk and again seeing the faces of everyone drop in disbelief, no one in the line expected to see you like this except for Me and your Parents. Your brother Could barely hold it together, I can’t imagine what it must feel like to see your own blood, your childhood friend/nemesis, your big sister unconscious and hooked up to every machine in sight, or for your Aunties and Uncles, who once saw you as a child asking weird and wonderful questions about growing up. I can’t describe for you how they felt but the look on there faces told me everything, except while everyone was showing there love for you, your dad and I spoke to the ICU Head in Charge Doctor (or Nurse, sorry not sure) and he said you had returned the the state you were in originally but good news this time is they have ruled out both of there possible concerns which put us at ease for the time being, and the next step was to just slowly take you off all the medication and get you comfortable to wake up some time tomorrow.

After saying our goodbyes for the night to you, not soon after we said our farewells ad thanks to your Aunties and Uncles. After this point I must say nothing of note happened the ready of the night, also I ended up sleeping from 2am onwards so I couldn’t tell you if I wanted to, but the next morning…

*7:30am, Wednesday Morning*

I woke up from my 5 hour sleep, and got up quickly to see you just before the start of the Doctor rounds. Your mum and I walk up to your bed and you were sitting up and the Nurse said ‘Morning, you should see if she can hear you and open her eyes,’ excitement rushed through me and I grabbed you left hand said ‘Morning Darling’ and you started wiggling, making funny faces then you opened your eyes. You probably don’t remember this moment or if you do you probably couldn’t even see, but the nurse got excited as well and rushed over ‘Mikaela can you hear me,’ you wriggle and adjust your gaze over to her slowly, ‘Mikaela your in the Intensive Care Unit I’m one of the nurses looking after you, we have your mum and Corey here with you.’ That’s when you big eyes looked right at me and I smiled at you and said ‘Hey Babe.’ This moment was significant for a few reasons, one is the share relief that you are fighting hard and will make it our safe. Two, I got to talk to you again and you were there to listen and respond. Number three and the most important, your awake. After all the talk with the Doctors, for some reason I had a feeling you may not wake up in at least 2-3 days and to see you open your eyes could have been the best thing to happen that day. But then you, being the stubborn girl you are, kept trying to pull your breathing tube out which meant they had to sedated you again and was put you back to sleep to keep you comfortable. 8am came around and we had to leave the ICU for doctors rounds which meant this was the last time I’d see you until you will finally woke up.

On returning after doctors rounds you were awake again! but this time you were really responsive, looking around, squeezing hands the standard stuff, but there was one moment that I will never forget and by the state you were in will never remember, ‘Hey darling’ the you waved at me as best as you could, I then grabbed your hand and then you squeezed it. ‘Can you move your feet?’ then you listened to me and I broke down, you were back with me, my friend that I come running to talk to everyday is here and is listening to me, I couldn’t describe to you the weight lifted off me.

Now that you’ve cleaned up yourself and stop crying the story comes to an end here, not for any reason other then from this point you’ve been awake and talking, and besides, the story is still alive and writing itself…